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I had suicidal thoughts. Writing helped me feel better.

September 18, 2017

*Writing doesn't help everyone! If you ever feel the urge to harm yourself or end your life, CALL THE NATIONAL SUICIDE PREVENTION LIFELINE - 1-800-273-8255*

 

This past week that I've spent with myself has been pretty troubling. Too much time alone has caused me to overthink the situations surrounding me. 

 

I've been in LA this week trying to soak up the sun and the energy around me, but I don't think I was successful. 

 

I've allowed past experiences to sneak up on me and attempt to destroy me, they're winning the battle. 

 

I'm trying to love myself wholeheartedly. The way that I've loved others. It's a bit of a process I'm learning and eventually, hopefully, I can overcome these horrible emotions I'm feeling. 

 

Being a student to life is hard. Starting your own businesses is hard. Being in love and experiencing heartbreak at the same time is truly one of the most dangerous combinations and I'm falling victim to that, how do we change this?

 

I'm not writing this for people to feel sorry for me. I'm writing this post so that we acknowledge that it's hard going through these conditions (Depression, Anxiety, Stress, Etc).

 

What are the ways we can make change? Make things better?

 

Well for me it started with writing this post, because I really wanted to end it all yesterday, I was just afraid to do it. I sent messages to my loved ones telling them I loved them and to always remember that. I received calls throughout the day pushing me to LIVE, but I was still ready to go. I didn't  want to feel this pain anymore. As I'm writing this, tears are rolling down my eyes, because I'm still feeling this pain. I'm still struggling with survival. 

 

I am trying to grow past this. Every day gets harder for me. Remembering what joy I bring to those around me is helping, but it's an everyday struggle. 

 

Take this post as a guide to reaching out to those you love. Making sure they know you love them and believe in them. Let's not hurt each other in our daily lives, in situations we have full control over. 

 

Thank you to my support system. You all truly help me through my down time. I LOVE YOU and if I never get to say it again, REMEMBER!

 

🦄✨

Peace, Love and Happiness

 

Nitty

 

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